It is not an easy thing to have had Bruce die on September 11, 1968, or any day for that matter. I have even more mixed emotions now, 43 years later. Now, September 11 is a day the world recognizes as a day in history that changed lives forever. The horrific attack on the World Trade Center in 2001 touched all our lives. Hearing the date triggers personal stories of our shared experiences that are etched in our memory for all time.
Both physical and natural forces ring in that time of our lives. There are ads and stories plastered all over TV and the internet, "Remembering 9/11". The natural changes in weather touch my skin and grab my attention to remind me, it's fall.
September has become bitter/sweet for me. The worst being when Bruce died. The best is that September is my favorite time of year; as the weather cools, it signals new beginnings. It is the month of my birth and the time of year to start new learning experiences. It is the month I first went to the core of my being into my inner sanctuary. Bruce led me there by his death, to the door that stands between this world and that one, the one of eternity. I am more inclined to visit that inner sanctuary in September than any other month. The bad part is that Bruce is on the other side of the door, the good part is that I enter where the God of my understanding lives in the core of my being. It is a place I often avoid because I get to busy with what I think is important at the moment...usually mere distractions.
It is in visiting the core of my being that I find creativity, purpose and direction. It is while I am there that I find true Peace, balance and the integrity of my soul. For many years I didn't understand the greatness of God and was angry because Bruce went to the other side of the door and I was left behind...to wander aimlessly like a lost and lonely vagabond. But, my long-life process has brought me to the understanding of my today. Bruce has just gone on ahead. I often get distracted and forget to visit my inner sanctuary, but life happenings, especially in September, bring it to my attention.
I'm thinking wow, I must need a big reminder for 9/11 to be plastered all through the rest of this generations memory. It will be many years before those of us who remember the attack in 2001 will be gone; leaving the story in our history books for the next generations to read about, much like I read about the attack on Pearl Harbor and you the story of the JFK assassination.
For 43 years I've remembered September 11. For many of those years I felt so very alone. Maybe it is for that reason I need to write the next few sentences. When I see the "Remembering 9/11" notices, I admit I have mixed emotions. One part of me thinks, "yeah, like I'd forget after 43 years?" or, "where were y'all 30 years ago?" The other part, thankful, because even though our stories differ, none of us have to walk this journey alone.
I not only remember the horrific 2001 attack in NYC which changed all our lives, I remember and thank Bruce, my husband, who gave his life on September 11, 1968 as an 18 year old Marine fighting for our country. You changed my life...forever. I may have introduced you to the God of my understanding, but it was you who caused me to know Him.
I plan to visit my inner sanctuary during this special time of year to give thanks, experience Peace, define purpose and direction, and hang out with the inspiration of creativity. In October, I celebrate my spiritual rebirth-day.
Written In Memory of: Bruce and Glenda, Bruce Crabb, Jerry Evans, George Mc Gee, Billy Joe Scott, Fred Spina, Frank Vallone, and their families, who died that day, 43 years ago on 9/11.
So, September...let's dance.