I smile when I think of the expectations I had when the book was finally in print and on the market. I think not knowing what I was doing and self publishing had something to do with it all. But it is what it was meant to be.
Well...I didn't become a millionaire; never got on the Oprah Show; and did not become a best selling author. What has happened is that millions will be made by those whose life was touched by the book, Oprah is not the only game in town, and I still have hope of becoming a better writer. The spiritual successes out number the physical and my life has been blessed millions of times by those who have read and connected with me as a result of the book.
Today is a very special day for the last payment to be made. It is also the date, October 18, that I celebrate my spiritual birthday. It is my custom to be still and allow myself to be in the presence of God without phone calls or chatting with others. Today is devoted to listening and sharing only those things that glorify God. (Yeah, I know, I try everyday but life has a way of distracting me).
Bruce has been very near to me today. I have found that when I am in the presence of the Lord, Bruce is there also because that is where he hangs out. I don't often do a lot of comparing. Like, this loss is worse than that because I know there is no comparing. But today, I did make a comparison.
That moment of experiencing the "We Regret To Inform You" words makes all my other life experiences seem like a piece of cake.
It has been more powerful than all the other disappointments and losses throughout my life. Sure, at the time of experiencing any loss or discomfort it feels like the worst ever. But, my memory does not hold all the other experiences as it does for that one moment when the iron wall fell in my pathway and forced me to change direction.
Bruce and I spent very little time together in a physical sense but we have a long history of being spiritually connected. Living in two worlds has often felt like a curse, but, it is also a great blessing. So, guess it all boils down to this. All the experiences I have had and will have in my future will be a piece of cake in comparison to that one moment many years ago when I was young and expecting to live a life much different than the one I've lived. Yes, there will be some hard loses to endure and adjustments will need to be made and those loses may make me feel like I'm dying but my history tells me, I will live.
Loving Bruce has made all the difference in my life. He has helped to take me from the hearing aspect of God into a Knowing relationship with God. For that, I am eternally grateful.
My life will have some new twists in the near future. Interesting that the end of one debt ushers in another, but, when I wrote the last check out today, I was able to write...Paid in full.