This morning I gave a lot of thought to why anniversary dates keep stirring things up.
We are taught to celebrate birthdays and wedding anniversaries because they mark a significant time in our lives that we start down a new road on our journey of life. But, today I asked myself, "how do we remember death-day?"
Bruce's death changed my life...forever. Society, do you really expect me not to mention it again?
As I allowed myself to revisit the feelings; the same one's I felt 43 years ago I realized something I've probably known all along. There are no hundred dollar words or famous quotes that express those feelings. They just are and the only way you will know them is if you have had a similar loss. We may try to describe but the description comes up short every time. That is because there are no words in the first place that can give an accurate account.
When we are the very young who experience loss, we have our own set of circumstances to be dealt with. In my day and still much too often, some older people say things like, "you're young, you'll move on". To that I say poppycock. Our loss abruptly changes the direction of our life...forever. It is as real, devastating, as any other, yet not more than. We each own our loss and should be allowed to grieve it out until our heart can come home. Every time we compare we minimize the experience of someone, either ourselves or the other person. I used to minimize my own loss before I learned that I OWN IT, it is as real and devastating as any other. I don't have to minimize myself to recognize your loss and pain.
I continue to remind people, there is no comparison in loss. There is no easier or harder way of losing the person that is so much a part of ourselves.
Just as you may never know what it would be like to lose your love in war when you were 19, I will never know what it is like to have lived with my husband for 20 years with day to day interaction.