Our subconscious remembers even when we are not consciously thinking about an event. Today, it kinda took me by surprise when I realized that I was feeling full of hope, love and enthusiastic about life itself. Surprised because my conscious thinking usually brings up the fact that this is the month Bruce died. Today, it is still the anniversary month of his death, but on this date, forty-three years ago Bruce was in Vietnam... alive. We had our whole lives to look forward to...together. As my thoughts unfolded I realized this must be one of those sweet parts of bitter/sweet. For so many years, I dreaded the anniversary date of Bruce's death because it brings up the horrible feelings all over again and they are compiled every year after until I find a way to make peace within myself.
It has been my experience that Anniversary dates seem to have a mind of their own. There have been times in the past I'd be living along and all of a sudden I felt life fall out from under me. I learned to ask myself, "What day is this?" Most always it was a significant anniversary date of some event of my life. So I pay attention to those dates now. Not so much with expectations of how it will or should be or how well I'll handle it but just an awareness that anything goes and I will handle what comes knowing I'll live through it. I'm even learning to acknowledge dates as having been an important part of my being. Acknowledgment goes a long way. It is much different than having had over three decades of avoidance and all the damage that did to my sanity.
Today, I was pleasantly surprised by this anniversary date because I can still feel what it felt like, before he died. I can celebrate this anniversary too, when forty-three years ago Bruce and I were young, alive, loving each other and the hopes and dreams of our future together.
September 1: I celebrate the anniversary of the life of Bruce and Glenda, love, hope and future. Today, I celebrate the who I am now part which includes those memories and feelings of love and hope. The forever romantic idealized period Bruce contributed to my life, of being young and in love, I cherish.
Eternal love surpasses my humble understanding.
by Neil Diamond